More Court Lingo. Secrets Revealed. Part 3 of 3.

Here are some useful phrases. You may not get to use these ones, but you’ll do well to understand them. Knowing them may mean the difference between surviving your day in court, or dieing there.

Court Lingo Revealed. Part 2 of Several.

Charles Dickens wrote in The Pickwick Papers.

"'Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir,' replied the little gentleman. 'Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more.'"

I wonder what the fuck that means. Anyway, back to Australian legal idioms ....

One Night In Dublin. An Aussie lawyer walked into a bar.

People have long been interested in legal language. That doesn't mean they like it. Legal formalities, conceits and obfuscations are ridiculed and demonised in popular culture. Lawyers who use the language to confront and confuse are mocked, except for those who, sadly, are appointed to the bench.

Australian lawyers, especially those working in the regions are less frequent offenders. Those who speak to juries in criminal trials are the least offensive of all.

They, the good ones, speak a more accessible language. Plain English, with a twist. But that doesn't mean that there is never any confusion. Sometimes there is.

'I Hope You've Brought a Toothbush': Peter Cook n' Australian Legalese. Part 1 of more.

Every profession has its own language. Medicine has its archaic tongue of body parts and procedures, engineering its dialect of structure and form. While the Law, being a discipline of ideas, relies more heavily than most upon language.

Legalese is formal, often dated and sometimes unfathomable – even for lawyers. Sometimes the concepts being expressed are to blame: just ask any judge who’s had to explain self-defence against provoked assault to a jury. Sometimes the practitioners are to blame: especially those who seek to shroud their own ignorance in jurisprudential gobbledygook.

But there is another legal language. One that is lush and fun and just a little anarchic.

Legal Lingo Explained. 'nod the nut' and other phrases exposed.

Ever wondered if legalese really is a language? Ever wanted to know what a barrister means when she says with a flourish of her gown, 'I appear, Your Honour.'? Ever pondered, 'what does "respect" mean in the legal context?'  Ever sat in a pub nursing a beer and asked yourself, 'what does "nod the nut" mean when it falls from a barrister's mouth'. (And what does 'falls from a barrister's mouth' mean anyway???)

If you answered no to each of these questions then go away now and don't come back for a week. If you answered 'yes' to even just one of them, then stay focused because I'm going to tell you the answers over the next week or so.

The Most Dangerous Room in the House. Masterchef Mishap: witness statements can be funny things.

After every crime come witness statements. There may not be a right way to draft them but there are plenty of wrong ways. For example:

'Max William Leigh states: I am a twenty-six year old male and reside at an address known to police. I am a chef. I know the accused, Lisa Rawlins. She is a caterer at the mines. We met a year ago and became friends. This changed in January when we had a brief relationship. I would call it a fling.