Friday, 16 September 2016

'I Hope You've Brought a Toothbush': Peter Cook n' Australian Legalese. Part 1 of more.

Every profession has its own language. Medicine has its archaic tongue of body parts and procedures, engineering its dialect of structure and form. While the Law, being a discipline of ideas, relies more heavily than most upon language.

Legalese is formal, often dated and sometimes unfathomable – even for lawyers. Sometimes the concepts being expressed are to blame: just ask any judge who’s had to explain self-defence against provoked assault to a jury. Sometimes the practitioners are to blame: especially those who seek to shroud their own ignorance in jurisprudential gobbledygook.
But there is another legal language. One that is lush and fun and just a little anarchic.

It is the lingo of practitioners labouring at the coalface of justice. Subtle, vaporous and sometimes poetic. The language appreciated by Shakespeare, Dickens and Mortimer. The dialect once famously captured by Peter Cook, who sharpened and hardened it and murdered an entire audience with mirth. (Judge's summing up.)
This language can vary from country to country, jurisdiction to jurisdiction and even courtroom to courtroom. An expression that is accepted and understood in one court may cause consternation and contempt proceedings in another.
The USA has its own version of it. Although I don’t pretend to be a fluent speaker I’ve learned a term or two. For example, ‘hammer’ has come to mean a judge, while to ‘shake’ a client is to encourage a guilty plea.
In England the term ‘spank’ in a lawyer’s mouth means the same as in everyday English. That is, when a barrister says ‘My client was reluctant to take my advice, so I had to spank him’ that really does mean what it says.
In Australia informal legal lingo is particularly rich. A happy combination of professionalism and larrikanism. The results are honest, irreverent and just a little lawless.
So tighten your truss, strap on your court cosy and bat on ….

Australian Legalese: some basic concepts.
A punter is a client.
To roll the dice is what a punter does when he pleads not guilty in the face of an exceedingly strong prosecution case.
A punter who nods the nut is pleading guilty, often by nodding his head as he is  arraigned.
A brief is both the written instructions and other documents given to a barrister in order for her to act for a punter; as well as a term for one’s barrister.
The beak is the judge. This term is said to date back to colonial days when judges were apparently selected as much on the length of there snouts as because of legal knowledge, experience and temperament.

Battle jocks refer to sturdy underwear, often dull in colour, that are worn when a barrister expects a particularly vicious clash with opposing counsel, a feisty witness or cantankerous judge.
Later, part 2 (unsurprisingly).

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