Barrister or Barista?

Barristers are supposed to like words. After all, without them we’d have no excuse to wear our gowns and wigs in public. So you might be surprised to learn that some counsel dislike words, or practice as if they do. Clogging submissions with such dross and confuscation as to make them meaningless.

Even barristers who like words can get things wrong. Trials happen in real time and sometimes shit happens. (This phrase has Prime Ministerial approval in Australia)

I like words and still trip up in court. Sometimes on the same step I’ve been tripping on for years. I have reddened at the sound of my own voice and cringed on reading transcripts of my words. Sometimes when my transcript is read to the jury, I look across at them and mouth, ‘I’m so sorry’. My speciality, a habit hard to break, is the long crippled question that limps about the courtroom like a wounded animal begging to be shot.

My failings are all the more painful because I love my words. Sometimes when I tie them together or cast them out into muddy waters I feel guilty. Like some sort of linguistic sociopath.

Sometimes I get it right. Some old favourites pulled out because their sound and meaning is wonderful and they are just perfect for the job. Others dusted off because they are frequently misused by others and deserve better. A few trotted out less fondly, because they are the language of the law and are expected. Still others are borrowed or stolen and used with thrilling unease and the quiet fear that a rival advocate will storm into court and shout, ‘Oy. McCool. That’s my fuckin’ word you're using’.

So it made sense to me to find a sweet little title for my first foray into blogging. Naked Counsel does it for me. (Now that’s not something you’ll hear often.)

I like it because it’s a lot like me. Base yet sophisticated. Subtle and blindingly obvious. Simple and complex. Sober and drunk, sometimes at the same time. If this title had a face, it would be worn but still broodingly handsome.

There were alternatives but no serious contenders. Consider for example: the bollocky barrister, attorney at raw, the bare-arsed advocate or soliciting starkers. All pretty ordinary. None with the gravitas of Naked Counsel. None with the subtlety and depth of meaning. You’re smart. I don’t need to point these out.

Yep. Naked Counsel does it for me.