Judicial Cage Fight: 'order me a fuckin' pizza while you're at it.'

Some of those accused of crimes are ballsy little bastards while others are just plain stupid. They stand in the dock as sentence is passed down and instead of shutting up and getting on with their punishment they insist on having a say.

'You can stick your trial up your arse.'

Sometimes it’s a short and defiant ‘But I didn’t fuckin’ do it’ or a teary ‘I’m sorry, I really am sorry.’ Such trifles pass with not much more than a nod of the judge’s head, or a sharp ‘shut up’. Other ejaculations are met with a much more practical response. The result, a would-be bullying prisoner slapped down and silenced.

Judicial Bullying: knotted knickers can be cruel.

Judicial bullying for fun and profit, by Judge Judy.

Though as old as law, it is only recently that judicial bullying has been recognised as a problem. It has sparked the interest of senior practitioners, leaders of the bar and judges; been the subject of scholarly exploration and articles offering advice to its victims. Then there is this: a personal and anxious account of how things once were and still are in some court rooms. It may be rare but it still exists and the results are both fearful and funny.

What Judges Want: a reply - if the court pleases.

You can bet your life on it. At every legal conference there will be a Judge’s presentation of a particular kind. Sometimes the titles mislead. Affective Advocacy sounds innocuous enough, a nice little post-lunch soporific easing one towards the evening’s networking opportunities. Other titles, The View from the Bench, at least hint at their purpose.

Sometimes it can be slow and painful.

Still others are like a merciful kill shot between the eyes of a wounded beast: What Judges Want is unequivocal.

         Whatever the title don’t be fooled, the presentation is not so much an opportunity for the bench to guide and nurture, as it is a chance to warn, threaten and even punish.

The Taste of Isis: it's not what you think.

Place names can be unfortunate. France’s Anus, Boring Tennessee and Fucking in Austria are cases in point. The same can be said for some geological features: the Disappointment Islands of Polynesia, Dick Peaks Antarctica; and Faggot Hill Massachusetts come to mind. Some whole regions are cursed by odd names: the Arse district of Sumatra, Bong County Liberia and Hop Bottom Borough in Pennsylvania to name a few.

         Far from being immune to it, Australia is home to a generous collection of oddly named places. Some - Scone, Orange and Banana - are tasty enough. Others - Yorkeys Knob, Doo Town and Rooty Hill - are a little naughty. While Foul Bay, Dismal Swamp and Mount Warning speak for themselves.

         But we have one regional name that in recent times jars dangerously. I came upon it while working in country Queensland. After a week long trial I picked up a local tourist guide.  Inside an article implored me to ‘Discover the Taste of Isis’.