What do Barristers Wear Under Their Robes?

OK, so barristers are all flowing black robes, sparkling white bibs and curly-haired dignity on the outside. But what about on the inside? What is worn under those traditional old markers of counsel? What lies beneath? Whatever it is, is it dignified? Traditional? Legal?

Over the last month we have learned a little about legal dress in our Commonwealth of nations. We have learned about the wig, the robe, the bar jacket and jabot. We've seen how each item is impractical, uncomfortable and rather ridiculous to wear.

Go near-naked wearing only one of them and you will surely be arrested. But wear the lot along with a serious expression and magic happens. People will still notice you, but in a good way. They will watch you earnestly and probably not call the police. In court they will listen to your arguments and might even act on them. They will somehow understand that dressed as you are, you play a crucial role in maintaining the rule of law in our civilised society.

Now it's time to learn about what lies beneath. Unlike the robe and wig our underclothes are not dictated by tradition; they are of the barristers' choosing. So what do barristers choose and why?

Believe it or not, boiling inside many barristers is an unruly rebel agitating to escape. Out of court this rebelliousness can be expressed by shirt colour and by tie width, length, colour and design. You know the kind of thing, mauve shirts and ties emblazoned with fish, teddy bears,  moustaches, or most outlandishly, cartoon characters. Female counsel express themselves in similar ways with dress, blouse and skirt, with the added advantage of lots of jewellery options. 

In court is another story. One of the alleged purposes of court dress is to make the participants in the legal drama anonymous. Black robes and wigs do a good job of that, which leaves little room for personal expression through dress. The robes cover what would otherwise distract and confuse in the courtroom: counsel's fist-sized skull belt buckle, tattooed arms or scarlet blouse and shapely skirt for example. 

Little wonder that socks, jocks and stockings have become the secret way for counsel to express themselves. It's here where we can really soar.

Barristers' sock choice fall into two categories: happy and witty. The happy ones are colourful and abstract. Strips, polka dots and stars for example. The witty socks are those humorous ones that declare things like 'I gotta run' or 'your argument has no legs'.

Barristers jocks, boxers and undies can be colourful and funny too: Y-fronts sporting the letter 'Y', hundred dollar bills or cherries (in season). But they are more often witty and just a little bit naughty. Phrases like 'hold the pickle' and 'I object' are popular. As are the more risky 'it isn't going to kiss itself', 'rub for luck' and a curious one for cat lovers, 'take these off me, right meow'. 

So there you have it, one or two secrets from the underworld of legal dress, brought to you by one who knows

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