Going to Court is Bad. Very, Very Bad.

Let me be brutally honest, after most trials someone is left choking on what might as well be a mouldy sock stuffed with dehydrated testicles. Going to court is bad. Not just a little bit bad but very, very bad. The BreakingBad kind of bad. The Bad Santa kind of bad. The ‘fuck me officer, those cuffs are awfully tight’ kind of bad.

It’s the kind of bad that comes when someone owes you so much money that paying lawyers thousands of dollars to get some back seems like a good idea. It’s the sort of bad that comes when your once blissful marriage is so busted that some stranger has to tell you who gets what and when you see the kids. It’s the kind of bad that happens when you’re blamed for something so appalling that society wants you gaoled.

I’m a barrister so I know all this. Our adversarial system is a judicial meat grinder that often produces an unpalatable product; like one of those cured smoked sausages, a French Saucisson but without the flavour to redeem it.

That isn’t surprising when you consider the ingredients that go into any trial. The main ingredient is always something bad. In civil litigation it’s likely to be dishonesty, disappointment and expense. In family matters it’ll be disillusionment, unfaithfulness and pride, with a measure of loathing and/or unacceptance tossed in. Criminal matters always start with a terrible mistake and I’m not talking about getting caught. The mistake might be committing an offence, or depending on your point of view, someone convinced you have committed an offence. There is often a measure of tragedy thrown in; some poor bastard gone or broken.

Nor do things get much better when the chefs arrive and the kitchen fires up. The process is long and inefficient. It’s hot in there with shouting and tears and things get dropped and spilt. There are always expenses, paid by the individual or the state.

And in the end? Unlike the wonderful Hot Chocolate song, not everyone’s a winner babe, that’s for true. In civil matters litigants will never recover the time and energy consumed in the process. Family fighters will still have to mourn their loss and somehow mend. In criminal matters, whatever the outcome for an accused person, someone will be disappointed with the result. In the worst cases someone will stay broken or dead.

Still the judicial meat grinder rattles on, as it must, leaving behind some litigants vaguely satisfied and others choking on that mouldy sock stuffed with dehydrated testicles.

So why not try mediation instead?